Sunday, April 24, 2011


Happy Easter, everyone!

Here's a complementary picture of my cat!
Teh puffeh kitteh
This is going to be a short one, so grab a warm cuppa and enjoy.

I mentioned posting the first paragraph of my first novel and show the evolution. Get ready to laugh your pants off. (in my defense, I'm not native English)

First ever draft (age: 9)

Chicago. From Freider Grant's house to his office is not far.

Second draft (age: 12 - 15?)

A rainy day. The fog came down and surrounded the suburbs of Chicago. Freider Grant's house was not far from his office, but today he took his car out because of the rain. As he headed downtown, he started thinking about his daily chores. He didn't have many, not today at least. Sam was going to take his chores at least for a week or two. Freider had been planning to take a vacation as he hadn't had one for two years. Being a detective and owning an agency sure had its disadvantages, but this was his job and he had to get used to it.

Third draft (age: 17?) - this actually made the queues on CC twice!

It was a cold rainy morning at the end of May. The sky was gray and heavy rain clouds were gathering up like huge quantities of lead above a melting pool. Sometimes lightning lit the sky for a few seconds leaving behind the roar of thunder. It had been raining all night over Chicago and tones of dust had disappeared under the refreshing shower. Now it was still early in the morning, but the day promised to be a sunny one.

  And became this - Fourth draft (age 21 - can you tell I took a huge writing break in high school? Actually, I was busy writing the three sequels I now have to hugely edit.)

“Stupid weather…” Sam Grant mumbled to himself, staring up at the heavy clouds moving ominously above him. Lightning cut the sky and thunder rolled above Chicago.
It was very early in the morning and the city had begun its daily rumble. The suburbs however were still quiet. All the equally white and welcoming houses seemed to be sleeping. Sam was the only living soul out at that hour.

Fifth draft (age 23 - and final so far, until I put it through CC again)

“Stupid weather…” Sam Grant mumbled, staring up at the heavy clouds moving ominously above him. Lightning cut the sky and thunder rolled over Chicago.
If it started raining, he was screwed. His backpack burst with books so old, they shouldn’t have left the library, let alone take a bath. What was his father doing? Building a car?

I've gone for character oriented (not main character) to zoom in omniscient narrator to main character oriented again. Also, the last three drafts have a prologue that leads into chapter one.

I hope you don't choke on something while laughing at this.

That is all.


  1. LOL! (you asked for it!)

    Seriously, though, what insight this gives into the progression of your writing.

    That last version in particular is a perfect example of something I read about recently, about developing micro-conflict and tension. "If it started raining, he was screwed" instantly elevates it from a neutral description of the weather, to a personal conflict.

  2. Yes, I asked for it and I deserve it. :)
    Thanks for the kind words Ian. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :D

  3. Awesome Steph! That was a great way to show how much a writer can improve through hard work, perseverance and God given talent. I foresee a long writing career ahead of you.

  4. This is great! I admire your tenacity at keeping with the story since you were nine!

  5. Thanks guys!

    @Ashley - lol, yeah, I see a wrong writing career in front of me to - it'll take a while until I learn how to write properly :p

    @Lindsey - Thanks! I guess that means I'm really, really, REALLY stubborn (and madly in love with my characters)

  6. I meant a long published writing career ahead of you, silly. ;)

  7. I have to agree with all of the above comments. Thanks for showing us how you've grown. I'm too embarrassed to post anything I wrote even two years ago :) I think your nine-year old version is better than mine. *hugs*

  8. And I like your puffeh kitteh :)

  9. Hi Mysti! My puffeh kitteh thanks you (it actually mewed at you)
    Thanks for the encouragement (and not chocking on your food with laughter).

    @Ashley - I know. You're a sweetheart as usual ;)

  10. Hiya, Stef!

    Getting in on this late, but I did enjoy it. I noticed ol' Freider got a name change in the process, too.

    Definitely a good evolution to your writing. I enjoy seeing how people develop, and how their stories evolve from one point to the next.

    Thanks for sharing!


  11. Hi, J!

    Lol, no, Freider is still Ferider - Sam's his kid ;)
    Thanks for being kind. I still have a lot of work to do :p


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