Have you ever thought you've had enough and don't want this crap anymore? Well, my guess is yes, since everyone's had to go through collage and/or kids - and there must be a minute when you just want the world to swallow you whole.
I'm going through my first such experience. After three months of continuous stress and studying, I'm ready to lay my sword down. I've had enough of this crap. Who the hell cares about all that stuff? Of course, I'm very aware of the fact that I've done this to myself. It was my choice to seek further training in the art of law and apply for magistrate training...
What really put me down was that it seems to make no difference - I've studied like crazy, done test after test and it is still sheer luck that will get me (and if it will get me) in that damned school. Imagine 3500 people fighting for 200 spots - it's mind-wrecking and horrible. And I'm not sure where I stand regarding this - I'm hardly capable to score within the minimum score range - and nothing I do seems to help.
So, people, I'm officially breaking down. I'm tired all the time, my head pounds and I break down into fits of crying. Then I try harder and it still doesn't help.
The up side? I only have 3 days left to go - on the 25th is the evil exam and at least that chapter of my life will close. Whatever happens next, it can't be worst that this summer, than this bitter disappointment in my life choices and the world around me.
Another plus side - this has really helped my writing experience - imagine how accurately I'll be able to portray the sense of helplessness grasping my character and holding them there, wishing all this would be over. I can't wait to be done with this and get back to writing - unfortunately, I still have the end of September to get to before I can finally lay down my stress sword - If I get into judge training - it's all fine from there on - I have a job, more studying to do and that's it. If I don't, it'll be job hunting, studying some more for a master's degree and the master's exam -> so, whatever happens, it's not happy for me.
Just felt the need to vent and let you know what's going on with me - why I might not have been so present in the writing world. I just want it to be over now, whatever happens, because I'm exhausted. I need/want/demand a vacation.
Hope to be back soon (unless I die on the 25th after suffering the first real failure in my life)